I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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