the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize