This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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