I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize