I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
