holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
