I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just want to make out with him forever
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
