i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
