i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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