I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
