I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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