her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
