You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
