My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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