this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
