Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
