This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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