I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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