evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
