i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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