The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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