Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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