we have pet lesbian snakes
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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