I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
