Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
