I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
