The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
