Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize