New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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