I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
