he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize