i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Come share oat with me in your robe
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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