____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
