well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
