i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
