Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
only if we run a train.
done.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
