Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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