THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize