dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
