you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
