I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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