R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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