You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
