he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
