im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
