and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
high people should be assigned attendants
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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