apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
