A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
