Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
