i would punch a child for taco bell
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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