we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
