we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
