After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize