Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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