Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
