I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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