I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
