I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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