Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize