So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
