They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
