I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
