I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
