I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize