So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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