Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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