he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
