theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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