we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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