he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
