put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
