she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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