She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
