Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
