Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Enjoy the penises
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
