I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
