No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
