I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
