when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
