you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
