And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
