im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This toilet bowl is my home.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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