There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
