Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
