i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I AM VODKA MAN
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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