Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
