Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
