better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
