i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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