i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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