haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
